Subscriptions © 2005 David Roth

My darling is as lovely as a cupcake
She tells the truth and doesn’t hold a grudge
If I should wander off the path of mental health and wellness
She’s there to hold the course so I don’t budge

There may be times we lack communication
I’ll own my part, I know the role I play
If she might feel that I may have some issues
That’s where I draw the line, and when I say

I ain’t got issues, I got subscriptions
No single story, but whole collections
My shelves are bursting with new editions
I ain’t got issues, I got subscriptions

Our schedules are somewhat convoluted
The crack of dawn is when I go to sleep
That’s round about the time she’s gettin’ jumpy
She’s makin’ coffee while I’m countin’ sheep

She oughta know, it’s not new information
She’s Yoga Journal, I’m a Rolling Stone
We try to meet up somewhere in the middle
It’s Entertainment Weekly in our home

We ain’t got issues, we got subscriptions
One big cacophony of contradictions
Our shelves are bursting with new editions
We ain’t got issues, we got subscriptions

She’s a hazelnut biscotti, I’m a kreplach*
It’s fair to say we go at different speeds
She says that I was nothin’ til I met her
But if you ask me, she will tell you she’s the only one I need

I took the Myers-Briggs personality profile
I’m something that they call INFP
That first initial stands for introverted
And you-know-who’s initials start with “E”

We ain’t got issues, we got subscriptions
One big plethora of predispositions
Our shelves are bursting with new prescriptions
We ain’t got issues, we got subscriptions

*Yiddish for small pockets of noodle dough filled with ground meat or cheese, usually boiled and served in soup. The late comedian Buddy Hackett described it as a “meatball in a sportjacket”